Some days I don鈥檛 know if I can continue my training as a pediatric intensivist.
A while ago I had a call that I wasn鈥檛 sure I could emotionally recover from. A patient died quickly and unexpectedly. For weeks I would wake up in the middle of the night wondering what I could have done better. What did I miss? I started to question my career choice. I was watching my family make sacrifices for me to pursue a profession that many times made me feel replaceable. And, perhaps, that day in the intensive care unit I was replaceable with someone who could have reacted faster and led the code better to ultimately save this child鈥檚 life. Self-doubt began to seep in. Maybe I wasn鈥檛 smart or capable enough to be a pediatric intensivist. Wouldn鈥檛 my time be better spent focused on being the best mother, wife, daughter, and sister that I could be?